I had a 38 year relationship with a very loving HIV negative man. Unfortunately, he passed away of heart failure in February 2009. I have been trying to keep myself busy with social events and volunteer work. I believe that this strategy has helped me through the difficult bereavement period.
Although I am not desperate to find another partner, I have been dating and would be open to exploring the possibility of a long-term relationship. I am not interested in casual sex, anonymous encounters or one-night stands. My emphasis has been on affection, emotional availability, stability, personality, honesty, and compatibility. I am not hung up on lots of specific physical characteristics (age, hair color, height, etc.). I do, however, tend to be attracted to Caucasian, Asian and Hispanic guys, but none of this is written in cement.
I live in Long Beach, California and love the climate here. When I post a profile online, I run into several hurdles:
(1) I get responses from guys who live in other states and in foreign countries. For practical reasons, I don't see much chance of dating someone who lives out of my local area (Long Beach, Los Angeles County, Orange County). I am not going to jump on a plane and fly to another state to meet someone that I don't know. Furthermore, it takes time and a series of dates to get acquainted and develop a meaningful relationship. That simply cannot happen with someone who lives in a different state or country.
(2) On a few occasions, I have received angry responses from guys who throw insults at me for being HIV positive. Their remarks hurt deeply. On the other hand, I only engage in safe sex and would be open to dating a guy who is HIV negative or HIV positive. I really don't understand where the anger comes from. HIV is simply another health condition. Moreover, my HIV is controlled and undetectable. I would characterize my health as excellent and I don't have an outward manifestations of being ill. In fact, most people say that I look a lot younger than I am.
(3) Far too many responses are seeking casual sex, anonymous sex and unsafe (bareback) sex. Although I enjoy sex very much, I prefer to get acquainted, go on dates and proceed to sex when it feels right and is mutually desired.
I tend to have a very happy and optimistic personality. Today, however, I have felt very significant depression and have broken in tears as I think about the loss of my partner. I do recognize that this is the first holiday season without my partner.
I am writing this forum entry in hopes that others may have some insights and advice. Probably, the simple act of writing my feelings will help me cope a little better.
Thanks for reading my message.
David
User ID: specialbottom
age 66, 5'5", 141 pounds, brown hair
Long Beach, California
gaymale@verizon.net
